feeling left out..i think

Posted by teejaholer at 03:02 AM on July 4, 2004.

Yesterday i went with my older sister's friends to play pool in tsim sha tsui (a place) at around 1:00am- 3:30am and we played for a while and i laughed a lot cuz she's got some pretty whacked up friends that are just retarded and pretty kewl at the same tyme...so yeh...1-2 hours passed and then a couple of guys came to play by the table next to us...on closer inspection, it was people that are my age..14, 15, 17, 17, 18?...there were five of them..and i knew all of them either by face or by seeing them with different groups of my friends..each of them were people i knew from different batches of my friends groups...their group looked pretty tough and well..just...rad..they looked kewl and they were chilling and enjoying themselves. I wanted to say hey or just go over to them and talk but it felt kinda weird since i hung out with a different batch...i knew them but we weren't relle that close. My sis's gang were kewl but i had this feeling that i should be with the other gang, the table next to ours..the one that just let me be and let me act how i want without being judged...by not saying that i'm not old enough to do this and that...that i can't hear or say fuck...*no offence to those that don't like to hear these words* people that are my age...just all guys...the tough group, i have that group and i miss that group...the heavy-metal-punkish-looking-tough-i-don't-give-a-damn-group...but sadly they're all working now and i'm not...all my other kewl friends are either in school or are weird for other people but for me..well..i told you...i'm a flexible person and i give a chance to people with no friends...i'm writing this all down here since i got no one to tell this to..no one that close enough to tell this enough...well cept mike..but..oh well..

Anyways back to social life...i was watching MTV cribs the episode with Chester Bennington touring his house. When he got to his closet, he said that he designed his clothes and it was with the brand name of "Replicant". Out of curiousity, of course, i went to the site. And it was one of those clothing line that i relle love that can't get...like "MADE"...there were relle kewl graffiti writings of replicant and skulls, and sickles of death and everything that relle wanted...haven't checked the whole site yet but i loved it...i mean it's made by Chester Bennington from LP...wut's not to like?...they're the new trend and if people think they're a waste of any of anyone's tyme?...they better take that back cuz i'm gonna kcik their sorry ass to uranus...

well i'm feeling a little lonely and kinda pissed off since i think i don't know what to do now...i'm just free..and i think a little too much freedom just gets me back you know?..so....well...anyways..yeh..

p.s: here are some more pics i took of my figurines, actually my friend took it but i told him to..i think they're kewl so buzz off alright?

Currently listening to: A Place In My Head~ Linkin Park
Currently feeling: light headed and fucked

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today, another day

Posted by teejaholer at 03:18 AM on July 7, 2004.

Went out today, watched spidey in action to kick some major octopus ass...i can't spoil..so i'm not saying much. My dad just made my mom cry..i feel either killing myself or killing my dad...he just gets so hot headed and just makes me think of how much of him i don't wanna get..i got the laziness...hopefully not his arrogance...and the way he doesn't want to believe that he's wrong...the reason i'm on good terms with him is cuz i'm afraid of him in a sense...i play along when he's playing, i follow his orders...but once i'm independent..whenever that happens...i'm gonna find my own place to stay and visit my mom once in a while to give her cash...dad too but ~sigh..sometymes i just don't get him....you won't know how he's feeling...if he hurts us..i don't know if he cares whether it hurts me and mom a lot or what..she just told him to do somethin that you don't have to lift a finger for and he just flips off...i don't know what i'm gonna do if i get that from him...i think my wife will take the kids and run...and i can't blame them...

Besides that, i ate at hard rock cafe and i ordered one of the messiest burgers you can ever imagine and the burger, obviously called "pig burger" it tasted kinda sour cuz of the worsichfrigfh sauce....you know what that sauce is..can't spell it...or don't wanna bother thinking how to...with fries and chilli con carne...no coke..that was missing...how can you not have coke with a burger?...that's just wrong....it's like having peanut butter without jam or peter parker without mary-jane. My sis bought me the Spider-man 2 soundtrack as well...they got pretty god bands here too...one of them is the music i'm listening to.. Dashboard Confessionals~ Vindicated

I went out with Salvadore, Sam and a friend that's been missed...which is kinda true. His name's Michael Sean..he's a weird fella but he's kewl..and he's got talent i can tell you...he thinks of himself as a homosapien rather than what race is he...so he's just a human..i know..weird but heck he's right...if only we can make sense out of that one, we'd have real peace..i'm thinking of resuming my lessons with salvadore for skateboarding...this tyme with protective gear..i kinda got a phobia when i fell my first tyme. The first tyme was ok..kinda made me feel the pain...to show that i'm taking the risk...the second tyme..well...i kinda hurt my elbow and it felt like i broke it or somethin..and my back..youch...so this tyme it's with protective gear until i get the hang of it...then i'll take it out. I'll also reconsider in getting some guitar lessons from sal..it'll be easier since he's a lefty and i'll just follow him when he plays it. I'm also gonna start writing a book of total randomness of recent events that i know about..just about real life and total randomness..starting today or tomorrow...depends what i gets me to write about...oh and shit i'm gonna have a press conference on friday afternoon around 2-3pm and on sunday i'm gonna have to take a picture and appear on the newspaper...what is the deal...first i'm a total loser which i still am. Now...i'm a loser in a newspaper...

Seriously...Spidey is the all-american hero...well next to superman but heck spidey is way kewler...he shoots webs and climbs walls...man...he's awesome...

All i gotta say..i forgot to put two other pics in the site...here it is...

Currently listening to: Vindicated~ Dashboard Confessionals
Currently feeling: like you care

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Red?..well that is one of my fav but romance?..righttt

Posted by teejaholer at 02:15 AM on July 8, 2004.

Your color is red, the color of racy sportscars, blushing cheeks, and luscious roses. Red symbolizes passion, romance, and love. So, since you're ruled by red, you probably trust your feelings more than your brain and tend to act spontaneously. If you see something you want, you go for it without thinking twice — impulsive is your middle name. You don't wait around for people to make decisions, either; you dive right in. Quite the romantic, you pay close attention to your emotions. In fact, if your heart isn't in what you're doing, you won't be satisfied. Of course, even when you do pour all your energy into the projects you tackle, your impetuous nature means your passions can shift as frequently as the wind. That's why some reds have trouble with commitment. Our advice? Next time you're feeling fickle, think before you act, if possible. You might be surprised at the results. Overall, though, it's great to be red. No one lives life more completely than you do.

Got this from Yuna and Neko and some other guy..thanks for giving me something to do..

Currently listening to: oridinary~train (spiderman 2 soundtrack)
Currently feeling: bored and excited

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All things black

Posted by teejaholer at 10:26 PM on July 10, 2004.

I finally got the pics off my sister's cam for the "all black" pic...and tomorrow is when i go on a press conference and have to answer all these friggin questions and i have to wear formal...yeauch.. i feel weird...not used to wearing it..cept the grad party where everyone was wearing the same dress code...anyways nuthin much to say so here are the pics...one in black and white and the other in color...still mostly black anyways..

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taking my life on a different

Posted by teejaholer at 03:38 AM on July 14, 2004.

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i'm not a friggin kid...stop surrounding me with a wall..

Posted by teejaholer at 04:03 AM on July 16, 2004.

I just told my mom that i wanted my ear pierced...i didn't wanna tell her and just go for it but i thought it'd be better if i did tell her...to see if she'd be supportive on whatever i wanted to do..well..obviously i knew what was coming...she said "no!" in a way that showed that she thought i was a skinhead, that i killed someone or that i joined the nazi or somethin...after that...silence and ignorance all the way til she slept and cried herself to sleep. My sis was supportive and even said she wanted to get one, as long as i got mine first cuz she was afraid of pain..so am i ...but you can't do anything if you're scared..this is my first trial. My mom on the other hand made me feel self conscious, made me feel bad bout how i can't do anything, that i'm the good one that i'm the one that will go to college and finish it..i would but if there was some other obstacle in my life..i would do somethin else...college is an option...for me..., i can still be good, i can still be the same and a piercing won't change that...she mumbled how i was changing and said "what made you this way?"...well...

DEAR MOM,

NOTHING MOM, I MADE THIS DECISION ON MY OWN AND STOP TREATING ME LIKE I'M 12...i'M 18 AND I CHANGED 4 YEARS AGO...DIDN'T YOU NOTICE?..OR DON'T YOU WANT TO ACCEPT THE FACT THAT I ALREADY DID CHANGE...stop crying...cuz these things happen..i'm not a bad person...i just want that...i don't expect you to like what i'm doing...all i'm asking is you to be supportive or at least try since your support means a lot to me...i think you think that i'm a big disappointment to you..and in that case...well..i'm sorry..but i still want that piercing on my ear..no matter what anyone says..by the tyme you read this or not..i prolly already have one...and you still might not accept the fact that i do have one...but i still do love ya mom..if only you can read this..

signed teejaholer

P.S: sorry again for everything..

yeh...that's an "unopened letter to my mom"..if you excuse me i need to be alone for now..only close friends may ask me personal questions..

Currently feeling: self conscious

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